reworking of an old poem i made 2 yrs ago
everyone at schools thinks you’re obnoxious but i always knew deep down that you were really nice please let me continue to hear that hoarse singing of yours
causing mischeif, those days have since ended words that were wrong but felt silly i’ve since hid in a trenchcoat of falsehoods nobody, not even me, knows who we are
i wondered if even xrays could see my true intentions if thats what made everyone run away, could i fix it? somethings just had to be my fault after all
for example, human made wings, so amatuer but its creation was very bold from staying too close to the water, or moving farther away from it we shove around what it means to be “shameful”
a toxic arouma remains
in these wonderous little boxes that i’ve made for example, everyone and everything i hate is dead im told “you’re pathetic” i only want the world to stop spinning after all
……..
these unseltted affairs, when will we forget them punishing myself for seemingly bad behavior hastily, i attempt “good” deeds to feel safe again
the tv screen thats slightly crooked doesnt face me oppurtunity to write my secrets away to every idea we can recall from memory do you ever question the things we cant see?
“they must know something!!!”
“you shouldnt think that” these broken records tell me but these temptations of mine are only getting stronger “you’d find comfort if you just died” is said to me but could i please that voice after all?
imagining that they’ve been killed an answer to paranoia a complete rejection of authority i’m considered “anti-society” i raised my voice to my mother an answer to irrationality my thoughts are not productive is an answer to dysfunction i viewed the world like an rpg i’m being maladaptive
everyday it feels like im on the verge of death..
but i’m still living i am still living
inside these fragile little boxes i kept locking away those real feelings to keep passing by, breaking down, to pretend and the self-scolding was to build security was it not?
with these soon to be open boxes i can finally act out in a place where i dont have to listen i was told that “i’m evil” but i want to betray what everyone believes of me to be after all..
y’know?